


One of Your Five a Day.

by Hannoel17



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Because of Reasons, M/M, Sexually Frustrated, he's just frustrated, hot avengers reasons, tony stark is not a whore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-31
Updated: 2014-12-31
Packaged: 2018-03-04 14:27:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3071537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hannoel17/pseuds/Hannoel17
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony is going through a drypatch. With an ass like caps walking past (which he has called dibs on thankyou very much Hawkeye) and hands like Bruce's to work with, how is he supposed to cope? A lot of masturbation probably - if he had the time that is.</p>
<p>OR that time Tony couldn't get any and got in to a war with Clint over rights to Steve Rogers arse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One of Your Five a Day.

**Author's Note:**

> Truthfully I have no idea where this is going so any suggestions are more than welcome. s

It was just...there. Perfectly shaped, perfectly proportioned, perfectly...perfect. It was like a gift you'd been waiting for your entire life, except this was tightly wrapped up in Kevlar packaging and had _property of Clint Barton_ scrawled in one corner of it in that irriating sharpie of his.

Wait, what?

How in Thors name had Clint managed to write that on the upper left cheek of Captain Americas butt?! Thank Odin he'd noticed this post battle because if Tony had halted like this mid-battle he'd have made himself one big, red, flashy target.

But more importantly, Steve was living in his tower, plus he'd called dibs. That ass was rightfully property of Tony Stark. Not to mention the fact that he was pretty sure that Clint had some weird polyamory thing going on with the Black Widow and Agent Not So Dead who had apparently snuck his way in to the tower and was refusing to leave. Not that polyamory was wrong or anything, or even that any of them were particularly horrifying to look at, it was more the fact that the Tony lived with these people. He had to see them on a daily basis. If he started thinking of them in a way that remotely resembled something sexual things would get awkward pretty damn fast.

Steve obviously being the exception. There was no way he could walk past, completely oblivious to the perfection that he was the embodiment of, without a person having a sexual thought about him...or three.

And then of course there was Bruce who had quite possibly the sexiest hands on the earth. And yes that is a fact because Tony is a scientist who researched it (spent two hours on the hand porn tag on tumblr) and got all the necessary evidence to assure himself that he did indeed get to spend several hours a day with the most glorious hands ever. They were tanned with blunt nails that left Tony imagining what they would feel like, running through his scalp, dragging down his back leaving red marks no one would see but they would both know they were there. The callouses that had built up over the years made them rough in all the right places t and was it so wrong to imagine what they would feel like dragging over his hard-

Okay so it was possible that Tony was getting distracted. But would you really blame him? He was living with Earth's Sexiest Heroes! Ever since Pepper had left and they were fighting battles left, right and centre he barely had any time for his own hand, let alone actually going out and getting laid. You know Tony hadn't even realised he was that in to muscles until he'd seen Thor and Cap in the gym competing to see how much they could lift. (Thor had won, but arguably Tony had won too. He had the images of those glorious muscles bulging and straining, glistening with sweat and just so...ugh, PERFECT.) Steves ass in those sweatpants looked succulent and ripe for the picking. Juicy enough that Tony imagined biting in to one would class as part of his Five a Day. Or maybe that was just wishful thinking. Glorious, glorious wishful thinking.

Fine. Tony was a big boy, he could admit that he was going through a tiny bit of a dry spell at the moment(Who was he kidding, it was like the Sahara in that department) and that was leading to awkward thoughts causing awkward situations but at this moment in time he had bigger things to worry about like the fact that HAWKEYE HAD APPARENTLY CLAIMED STEVE ROGERS DERRIERE. And that my friends, was so. Not. Cool.

There would have to be revenge. The kind that was a dish best served cold. The kind that would make Legolas fear the day he claimed anything again.

Except, you know, it would have to wait until Tony had figured out how to move his legs again because it appeared he was still frozen in place. So yeah, once he was walking revenge would definitely be a thing.         


End file.
